Stars
by Ace in the Sol
Summary: '"Logan," Keegan murmurs, looking out to the sea from the balcony of a derelict building that they were perched in. The blond looks up at him, tearing his brown eyes from the stars on the water with some difficulty. They have a mission to complete- they were supposed to be setting up. Using the building as a sniper's nest.'


"Logan," Keegan murmurs, looking out to the sea from the balcony of a derelict building that they were perched in. The blond looks up at him, tearing his brown eyes from the stars on the water with some difficulty. They have a mission to complete- they were supposed to be setting up. Using the building as a sniper's nest. But Logan had been distracted by the view, and his face was so wistful and sad that Keegan thought he would never see something so tragically beautiful again. They were only going to be in California for two days at most, but Logan's eyes are misty and far away even as he replies. "... Yeah, Keegan?" he asks quietly. He's quiet at the best of times, but now he sounds small. Keegan wonders for a brief, absurd moment whether or not Logan was ever here as a child. Whether he saw this same view under younger stars, or walked along this particular stretch of beach. And suddenly, Keegan is homesick.

"Never mind," he replies instead of chiding him to get back to work, and then he turns around and heads back into the building to set up their mounts. To let Logan be lost in the moment for just that little bit longer. Later on- much, much later on- he'll be glad he made that choice. Logan gives him a tiny smile as he goes, and he ends up seeing it in his dreams that night instead of the usual nightmares. Things are different after that mission, after that night, even though it takes Keegan some time to notice. They're closer, so close it almost makes Keegan uncomfortable when he realizes it. They were at ease with each other the way Keegan hadn't been with anyone since his older sister died. Logan could nudge him with a shoulder and waggle his eyebrows, and they'd both crack up laughing. Keegan could comfort him just by keeping eye contact. They were _friends_.

And that's maybe when he started falling in love with the younger man. Maybe it's the moment he realized that Logan's laugh made his heart soar, or maybe it was when Logan tumbled his much larger brother to the mat for the first time and immediately looked to him with a great big grin. It could have been the glitter in those brown eyes when they all went out for drinks, or the way he drunkenly cuddled up to Keegan and rubbed his hands all over his stubble. But most likely Keegan thinks it was a combination of all of those little moments of happiness that did him in. He kisses Logan for the first time and ends up embarrassing himself by practically giggling to an increasingly disgusted Merrick about it later that night. His old friend looks simultaneously amused and uninterested- but then disinterest is his usual expression. And that first kiss is followed by countless more as they get to know each other even better then they had.

There are tiny kisses on cheeks and foreheads, bigger ones on mouths. Hand-holding cuddly kisses, and 'come back safe' kisses. Kisses that mean "No, _I_ love _you_ more," and silly 'eskimo kisses' that make Logan's eyes glitter with laughter. And then Keegan's taking Logan on their first date- and Logan's first date ever- and it's so easy and bright, and Keegan feels almost renewed by it, despite ten years of war. They just get dinner, that's all, but Keegan pays for them both and Logan wears this beautiful, green, over-sized sweater that makes him want to cuddle the younger man then and there. It's fun, it's fun and he's with his favorite person and Keegan learns that Logan really really _hates_ hamburger pizza. They stumbling back into the command center laughing and carrying on, and Hesh makes a gagging sound that has Elias chuckling under his breath. "Have a good time?" the man asks, and Logan beams at him.

Dates are good, too, and there's plenty of them. In their own special way, of course. They're both busy with the war efforts, sometimes both spread to the four corners of the earth. Well, not _quite_ so far as that. But Keegan _did_ have to spend some time on the opposite side of the country once or twice. So their dates are sometimes traditional, the sort that Keegan knew from his own youth, and some are... different. There are dinner dates like the first one, but then there are also dates where they sit in total silence, shoulder to shoulder, and just do paperwork as they enjoy each other. Sometimes there are dates that look like sniper's nests in crumbling buildings on the edge of the universe, Keegan's hands over Logan's as he adjusts the shot. "You're getting much better," Keegan says, and he means it. He also means that Logan would have surpassed him years ago if the younger had had the same formal training the original ghost squad was afforded. Logan just smiles that tiny smile of his as he takes the shot.

So they're together, weeks after that night on the balcony under tired stars, and they are blissfully happy. Keegan comforts Logan, and Logan steadies him in return. Neither of them are good with people, but that's okay because they have their own little circle of friends. Who are, conveniently, the same people for both of them. There is a bit where things get pretty rocky between them- it's when Keegan remembers how much older then Logan he is. He may have been the youngest ghost before Hesh and Logan arrived on the scene, but he had still been an adult man when Logan was just turning four. His boyfriend, however, does not appreciate his doubts. "I'm hardly a toddler, Keegan," Logan murmurs, lying on his back in the dirt to watch the stars. They're at the training ground of a base in the east of what used to be Texas, sweating in the summer heat. "I know," Keegan admits, but he still feels gross. Logan... _convinces_ about fifteen minutes later; they end up covered in dust, but it's good.

There's one more thing Keegan learns. Logan is a creature of the night. He doesn't seem to need much sleep. And he spends a lot of time with his eyes locked on the stars. Logan, Keegan learns, loves the night time. Spending time with his boyfriend under the sky, wrapped in a blanket and wreathed in comfortable silence, is a blessing. Their lives are loud and fast- people come screaming in and out of it at speeds they can't imagine. Friends and comrades are wiped away in the blink of an eye in their line of work, leaving behind only a scar for the living. They hold each other close, at night. Logan whispers secrets to him, and Keegan locks them away where no one will ever find them. "I was the undertaker," Logan breathes into his ear one stormy night, when the thunder keeps them both awake, "during the occupation. I was too scrawny for hard labor. To old for 'school'." Keegan swallows his terrible truths whole, hides them behind teeth that will never part. Logan loves him for it. "I used to carve things on their 'headstones'- rocks, bricks, cinder blocks. When I could spare the time. 'LTEC', mostly." Brown eyes stare out a cracked window, trained on ribbons of cool water streaming from the sky to the earth. "Why?" Keegan asks, and comes to regret it.

"Let them eat cake."

And then Vegas happens, and the world is burning. Then Vegas happens, and it's fucking man overboard, because nobody is in control and Merrick is not happy. Hesh is so angry that it makes Keegan's teeth ache. Neptune goes to ground again, like he'd done after Torch went missing. Kick is unreachable, and no one knows if he's even alive any more. They get a vague message from him two weeks in, and don't hear from him for a... a _long_ while. And Logan? Logan searches the sky for answers he won't receive, and there is no more rest. So Keegan has to keep it together. For all of their sake. But it's too much pressure for one man, to hold up the sky, and the pressure nearly cracks him. There are huge, explosive fights then. Between him and Merrick, between him and Logan. Between Logan and Hesh. Things are pretty un-good, for a while. Logan bursts into noisy tears, and that, at least, stops the fights.

So then there's LOKI to contend with, and really they should have all seen it coming. There were hints, in Elias' notes, that suggest he suspected. Especially after Clockwork. But Merrick was no Elias, and Elias was no Gabriel. They show up to what may very well be the Final Showdown practically with their pants around their ankles, and Keegan hates every minute. Logan kisses him goodbye, fast and sweet, with a rushed "I love you," and they don't see each other again. Unfortunately, his Logan is not only a sniper- neither is Keegan, he's a scout as well, but Merrick needs Keegan to support him right now. It occurs to him, vaguely, as it always does, that they could all die, but it doesn't really hit home until Hesh's voice comes over the line with the one thing neither of them really want to hear. "Checkmate." Keegan wants to scream when Merrick calls it in, but he understands.

Hesh and Logan's microphones pop and cut, and for a time he and Merrick are in the dark. And then the greatest thing he's ever heard comes in the form of David Aiden Walker's voice coming over the line as he tells them all that Rorke is dead. He tells his brother that he's proud of him. Merrick pulls his headset down for a moment to massage his temples. LOKI is streaming to earth, destroying the Federation forces before the station gets scuttled, and things are looking up... For all of five seconds. Keegan hears his boyfriend start to say something about a date, and then there's Rorke's voice in his ears and Keegan's skin is crawling. And then all he hears is Hesh screaming for Logan, and Logan screeching curses. They pick up Hesh from the beach, but by then the tide's come in and washed away all of the prints. All they have is a general direction to check in, based off of what Hesh saw before he passed out.

Suffice to say, they don't find Logan near the beach. Or at all. Just like he always has, Rorke has disappeared without a trace. Keegan hates to admit it, just like they all do, but the man is _good_. In a quantifying sense, that is. Morally, Keegan thinks drily, he's totally fucked. And then Keegan takes a long, deep drag from his cigarette. Tonight, he is very very drunk. The whole base is, to be fair, but the Ghost squad is trashed for a different reason. Their Logan is gone. There is a noticeable, tangible absence. No unexpected zingers from out of nowhere, no terrible, awful puns, no tiny smiles or commiserating nods. Even people outside the squad can tell someone isn't there that should be. And nobody feels it more then Keegan and Hesh. Hesh's only remaining family is gone, left to a fate worse then death. And Keegan? He's still here. Sitting on the roof. Smoking, and drinking, and searching the stars for the same answers Logan never found.

In a weird way, he feels closer to Logan out here. It's still humid out- the sun only just went down- and he feels just a little bit sticky. The stars twinkle in the sky as eternally as ever. Keegan feels incredibly lonely, and yet so close to Logan. He knows Merrick is the one sitting down next to him by a few things: the click of his knees, the groan as he settles, and the hand on his arm. Keegan tears his eyes from the stars, takes the last drag of the cigarette he'd mostly ignored, and looks at his old friend. Merrick's totally soused as well, and unapologetic for it: he's still got some gin with him. "Hesh's coming up," he gravels, and Keegan nods silently. Then he bites his lip, worrying it unhappily. "Merrick, I," he stutters, shoulders trembling. "I know," the captain murmurs. Keegan cracks open like a ripe watermelon, and bawls like a baby into Merrick's shoulder. He has enough mind to shuffle over to give David some room about three minutes later.

After that, like that night on the balcony all those weeks ago, things are different. They're all hyper-focused on catching Rorke and getting Logan back. Merrick is neck deep in plans and information for months on end. Hesh is working his ass off, training himself into the ground so often that the medics and doctors on base actually end up restricting him sometimes. Kick comes back from the ether, briefly- hands Merrick a stuffed manila folder before vanishing again; he was a ghost for a _reason_ , after all. Neptune is _gone_. Rorke is nowhere to be seen either; they get a smarmy message four months in telling them that 'his little pet project was going well'. Hesh breaks a few things after they receive it. And Keegan? Keegan does what everyone else does, and worrier. Tries to keep everyone sane. Tries to keep them together. Keegan supports Merrick, trains with Hesh, crawls through reports and paperwork. And he plans what he's going to say to Logan when they get him back. When.

It takes them _months_ \- nearly a year- before they even so much as catch a scent. Even with their collective ears to the ground, they still have other duties no matter how much it pains them to think about it. Hesh resents it the most, Keegan thinks, but he also knows that Merrick feels Elias' ghost breathing down his neck in disappointment. But they _do_ find something; a whisper of a trail, an allusion to a pattern. A hint. Merrick may not be as good a commander as either of his two predecessors, but he sure as shit isn't a _bad_ one- he latches onto the trail with his fucking teeth. Then they're all stuck in. Where Hesh was stewing before, he's on his toes now. They all want Logan back as soon as they can manage. So they go all out, and Keegan thinks they all surprise each other with how skilled they are. When you want something bad enough, he surmises, you find yourself willing to do anything to get it.

After they catch the tail end of the trail, it takes them only a few weeks to reach the head of it. The Federation base is halfway evacuated when the Ghosts arrive- Rorke is long gone already. Apparently, he's rather watch out for himself then ensure that Logan doesn't escape. Fair enough, when everyone hates you guts, Keegan admits. There's not much resistance; the Federation troops still there are lay members, so they're pretty easy to sneak past. Especially given how dark it is now that the sun is down. Keegan crawls through the underbrush in the field on his belly. There are floodlights on the field, knocked askew as David snuck up and killed their managers- Kick and Merrick are raiding the base for any intel on Rorke they can find- and Keegan worms between what few lights are still pointed toward the ground. The stench is nigh on unbearable, all sorts of awful things mingling together.

Keegan passes another hole, in the ground, shining a flashlight down. This one's inhabitant is freshly dead, the dirt area around the top covering scraped and scrabbled at. Not Logan, thank god. There are so many holes- pits, by Keegan's reckoning- and they need to find Logan quickly. Federation reinforcements are no doubt inbound, since the Ghosts had headed an attack on the base with helping hand from the army. Hopefully they can make the effort worth it, but Keegan knows Hesh doesn't give a shit as long as they get Logan back. (Frankly, neither does he.) Finally, finally Keegan passes one more pit, and it's only a sudden desire to check that sees him peeking in. And there he is. Fast asleep. "Hesh," he murmurs into his headset, "I found him." It takes both of them to pry the grate cover off of the hole. Keegan notes that this one is mounted on a cement platform, instead of a few blocks buried in the earth, with pride.

The Logan they pull out of that pit is not the one that went in. Rorke gets away yet again, but it doesn't matter because they have _Logan_. He's thin, grossly thin- the sort of skinny that's incredibly unnerving to look at. His fluffy blond hair is matted to his head with blood and dirt so badly that the doctors shear it off. A hopeless mess, they assure, and _hey_! It takes care of the lice, too. After Logan wakes up- arm in a cast, having been reset- they do a funny 'this is all a dream' bit that almost makes Keegan want to cry. It lasts about a week and a half, but Logan seems pretty pleased with his 'dream'. When he finally realizes he isn't asleep, he cries. And then they talk. Everyone talks. Even Merrick joins in on what is basically a pity party to moan about his woes. Logan lays in his lap and looks up at him like Keegan hung the stars just for him, and Hesh gives them a melancholy smile. No fake gagging this time.

They drink apple juice, of all things, because Logan's stomach is so sensitive after all those months of starvation and poisoning. Kick smuggles in some vodka in a bunch of those tiny booze bottles that he shares with everyone but Logan. He does it so obviously that Logan _laughs_ , and it's like liquid gold in Keegan's ears. So he kisses Logan, he kisses Logan and it's months of separation, it's every ounce he's missed the man, it's 'I love you'. And Logan startles at first, but the he melts into it as soon as he realizes it's happening. And Logan tastes like apple juice and 'I missed you," tastes like 'I was afraid' and 'I'm home now'. The world dissolves around them so quickly that Keegan doesn't hear Merrick's bemused chuckle or Kick's wolf whistle. The kiss is everything both of them were missing, and it gets a little bit damp when Logan starts crying. Keegan pulls back to suck in a gasp of air, and the other man chases him into another.

Hesh, not that either of them are watching, looks deeply uncomfortable with this development. Merrick motions for the door, and the other three shift to rise. That's when Logan finally pulls back to cup his cheeks and press their foreheads together. They're both panting a little bit, laughing under their breaths as they gaze into each other's eyes. And then Logan speaks. "Marry me," he says, and Keegan feels a grin crack his face in two. He ends up having to nod his agreement, words stuck in his throat, as Merrick and Kick salute them with their drinks. Hesh, who had been mid sip, sprays Logan's back with his vodka and juice cocktail in surprise. Logan stiffens. Keegan throws his head back and laughs like it's the funniest thing he's ever seen. And then Logan turns, staring at Hesh with searing intensity. With a war-cry he launches himself from Keegan's lap onto his brother, knocking him down. "Logan, no!" Hesh shrieks and Logan proceeds to tickle him mercilessly.

The wedding is in June, and every single part of it is beautiful- Merrick cries, even. (They send Rorke a sarcastic invite- no return address, obviously. He leaves behind an edible arrangement with an attached card that reads 'Fuck you' at the next safehouse they raid.) It's the best day of Keegan's life. The title of Best Night will always belong to that crumbling balcony on the edge of nowhere. They never do find answers in the stars, but they are still beautiful to watch.

* * *

Well, that's another request filled! This one was for Keegan/Logan, obviously, and I hope it was everything you wanted! If not... My apologies! I won't be taking any more requests until I can clear my metaphorical desk off, but I certainly will in the future- it's a nice exercise!

Anyway, please leave a review! It makes my day and motivates me to write.


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